The foreigner in Germany

For once I will be the foreigner. Well, not including those times in Mexico as a child. However, those stays didn’t last longer than ten days.

May 2010. I will do my best to prepare for a new life in Germany. I have about four months to save money, and get myself mentally ready. I believe that it’s enough time to accomplish my mental preparation, but money will always be an issue: lifelong. I’m going to be 26 this March and I don’t have a profession. I’m going to travel to Europe with the money in my pocket on an adventure for love - let’s just hope my Rosetta Stone gets to me sooner than later! Anyway, I feel that there is a possible future with Benni. When I visited him September ’09 it was surreal. I loved the green hills in Germany, and the hundreds of people walking the streets. The buildings, homes and streets reflected an ancient time, mostly not influenced by modern times. I adored the purity of every town I saw: Einback, Hannover and Heidelberg. It was so simple to step outside your door and roam the streets. The transportation was uncomplicated and effective for the town. I never felt alone. In fact I’ve never before wanted to be outside as much as in Germany. It’s truly romantic.
Heidelberg was definitely more diverse than I could have imagined. I don’t think anyone could have felt out of place in that city. I suppose it’s because so many students travel abroad to Heidelberg. When I was there I ran into someone from New Mexico, so bizarre! The castle was astonishing in this town. Benni and I often ate at little restaurants right off the cobblestone streets. When I turned my head, there was the castle shinning in my view. However, I understood why Benni chose Hannover as his permanent residence. Hannover had a sense of calmness. I could see it being a perfect place for families. The gardens, parks and pathways were so inviting. I wanted to jump on a bike and ride all day. The nightlife was still wild and amusing. It felt like everyone under 40 was out, and ready to dance. Everyone seemed so alive. I guess I felt like there was always something to do in Germany.
When I was with Benni I truly saw myself there. I imagined a life with him and seeking our possibilities of a future. Now, I’m not sitting here saying that I’m going to run away to Germany, get married and have babies. That is truly not my goal. I am just SO ready to try something new and unfamiliar. If anything, I will learn from the people and their culture. You know…I am a little German (less than half, but it still counts)! Which I know is far more believable than me being Mexican – which is also VERY true!
Anyway, I don’t know how long I plan to stay in Germany. I honestly can’t answer that question. If I’m jobless and out of luck I will come home, but I will be glad I tried. I also know that the most difficult part of all this is that my family is in the US. Benni is from Germany and neither of us can expect each other to say goodbye to our countries. That’s something for me to think about later down the road…if it all works out. I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing me talk about my battle with deciding on where to go. I know I am a person who lives with a lot of fear. Especially fear of the unknown. It’s time for me to embrace my sociable side. The fearful Carly has officially retired.